I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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