If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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