She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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