dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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