Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize
