dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
