mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
