the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
where are my eyebrows?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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