I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
