Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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