let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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