Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
