the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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