so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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