so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
