obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize