Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
