I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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