I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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