I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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