I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Too much gin, very little bucket
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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