there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
