I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
