we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
