Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
