i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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