I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
