I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
