Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
