Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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