At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
