Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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