yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize