CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Pants are for mortals
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
