I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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