Define "chronic" masturbator.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
