I met the friendliest cop last night
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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