I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
