Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
barbara walters just said penis...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
