Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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