I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
