she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
