He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
