It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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