were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
