there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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