i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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