she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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