i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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