Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
