I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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