Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
