ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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