You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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