Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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