Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
