Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
