Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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