I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
