it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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