Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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