If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
