....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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