I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
