She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
