and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
