I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
