His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
