Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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