i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Randomize