batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
