u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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