so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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