Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
