the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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