Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
