Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
