Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You're like the curious george of whores
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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