The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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