yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
