what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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