Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
