i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
