so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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