Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
