i already hear my dad disowning me
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
