hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize