Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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