The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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