9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
