is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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