Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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