just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
they're like a gay fantastic four
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
