To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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