i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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