I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
