I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize