Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
