In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
