Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
