I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
