last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I wish there were birth control emojis
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
