Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Randomize