why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
