just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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