If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
