You smell like stripper and shame
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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