i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize